I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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