White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
