Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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