dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
