there was a trapeze. enough said
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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