carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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