LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
