you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i think my cat just said my name.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
