I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
