I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A bitchslap is in order.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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