just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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