Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
