it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's the barista slut.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
