you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
