you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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