yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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