my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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