This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
