and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
