last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
