Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Randomize
