my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
