Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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