im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
