as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
