I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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