he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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