wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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