i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
