im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize