I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize