I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
