guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
