those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
