The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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