do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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