I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
