i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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