its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
