Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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