Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you would pick up someone in the library
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
