mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
