I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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