All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize