3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
