Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
