i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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