4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
