Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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