I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
