I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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