So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
