go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
