Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
