I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
