One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
