a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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