I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
