Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
