Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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