Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
