don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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