I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
