what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
