I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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