how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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