I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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