rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
