there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
