when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
