I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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