Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
