Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize