she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
