am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
