I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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