I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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