all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
