at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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