Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
