I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
