Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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