dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize