Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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