I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
