if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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