lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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