peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
