that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
