i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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