I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
