im six kinds of drunk right now
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
